Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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