I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
