Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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