I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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