Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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