I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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