glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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