my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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