Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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