She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
