i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
