I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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