shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
