You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
