I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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