If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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