Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
