are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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