there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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