Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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