How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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