hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
