People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My liver just had a heart attack.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
