i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
