So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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