My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
