Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
