I must be too annoying 4 u.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
