And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Do vagina's smell?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
