these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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