I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
