fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
my liver is dry heaving
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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