i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
