The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
