Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
