i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
