2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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