Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
