YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
