Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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