I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
