Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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