Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
