I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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