Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
