woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
