I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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