Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
