Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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