all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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