When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
