I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
