Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
