it wasn't lemon gatorade
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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