We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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