My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
