apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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