Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
