ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize