It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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