i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
